


Silently Unmoving

by LStar



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, I say its oumota bc of like one line, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, VENT ONESHOT, me just venting everything out, pure fucking angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:33:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24948484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LStar/pseuds/LStar
Summary: Sometimes, Kokichi can't even bring himself to move.
Relationships: Momota Kaito/Oma Kokichi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 87





	Silently Unmoving

**Author's Note:**

> hua. ha.

Detachment. That was what Kokichi Ouma was feeling as he laid in bed, silent, his violet eyes staring up and yet unseeing. His chest felt numb. Empty. Devoid of any sort of emotion- be it positive or negative. His gut twisted, as though he were waiting for something to jump out and attack him, like a sense of foreboding. Similar to that feel when someone knows a natural disaster is about to strike.

Anxiety, was it?

Or was it just the bleak sense of hopelessness? Of knowing no matter what he did today, his efforts would be overlooked.

He couldn’t even tell anymore.

Funny, wasn’t it? Sometimes, it was so easy to get out of bed, smile, and pretend that nothing was wrong. It ranged from being easy, to being difficult just to sit up.

Today was one of those days.

Kokichi’s eyes trailed around his messy room. He needed to get motivated to clean, otherwise it’d catch spiders. He was deathly afraid of insects- especially spiders. But honestly? At the moment? Kokichi couldn’t bring himself to care if there were any or not. Maybe if there were, one would bite him, and he could die a slow, painful death. At least then, he’d feel  _ something _ .

Anything was better than the pitch black hole lodged deep within his seemingly cold heart.

He rolled over. That was the first time he’s moved in awhile. He glanced at his phone on his bed, resting on standby. He tapped the screen.

No calls, no voice mails, no texts, no notifications.

That was typical.

He wasn’t even surprised, and yet, he still felt disappointment seeping through every pore on his body. He pushed his phone away and stayed there, moving to bite at his lower lip. He stared ahead.

The wall stared back.

It was strange, how if you look at something for an extended period of time, your mind wanders. It could be daydreaming, or it could be similar to that of a nightmare. That was exactly what was happening with Kokichi.

The wall reminded him of how... _ meaningless _ , life was. Like his sole purpose of living was to be some used up rag doll for anyone and everyone to toss around and use before disposing of it. Kokichi never quite considered himself a puppet, by all means, but that didn’t mean he didn’t question it from time to time.

Ha. What a joke. The Ultimate Supreme Leader felt like some broken marionette. Oh, the irony.

Who was he even leading anymore?

He’s always praised as this leader, some have called him a big brother, but then when he’s reduced to feeling uncomfortable in his own skin, they were gone. Family, right?

Kokichi curled up in a tighter ball, letting out a small, choked out noise. It came more from the back of his throat than anything, but the noise still made him cringe and move to grip his dark colored hair. He gave a tug, and gritted his teeth.

“Why..?” he whispered, “why can’t I just be happy..? Why can’t I _feel_ _anything_?” his hands fell to his arms, his shortened nails digging into his skin. “Get off. Get off of me. I don’t want this skin,” his voice, though quiet, was growing sporadically hysteric.

If he ripped his own skin off his body, then would he feel as though he could finally learn to love himself?

God, he wished that were the case. If it were that easy, then he’d rip it all off. He’d stand in front of his mirror, watching as blood dripped off his body. He’d start ripping his hair out too. He could burn his body afterwards...ah, but that would lead to death now, wouldn’t it?

Well, not that  _ that _ really mattered.

It’s not like anyone would care.

Hell, he was constantly ignored, even when he’s been injured, no one cared. It was as though he wasn’t even there anymore. Like a ghost, unable to pass on to the other side, but no one was there to help you, because no one can see a ghost.

But it was by choice that he was ignored.

He refused to let everyone else know how small and fragile his ego truly was, in order to protect himself from any and all inevitable harm that was bound to come his way. If he let people know that he knew that everyone else was better than him, he wouldn’t hear the end of it.

New material to use against him.

Kokichi’s eyes shut.

He was growing tired. Sleep sounded good.

Sleep without ever waking up again.

The idea was so tantalizing, and it would be so easy to get up, swallow a bunch of mixed pills, or even bring a knife to his throat. It could all be over so quickly, he would barely even feel it before it ended, right?

Well, that didn’t matter either.

In the end, the outcome would be the same. His organs would cease their functions, and he would take his last breath. The desire for that outcome was strong, overpowering his senses.

But he didn’t have the strength to get up.

God, how pathetic was he?

He didn’t have the strength? What a pitiful excuse. He was just subconsciously searching for reasons not to commit suicide. He wanted to- he truly did, but at the same time, something held him back. Was it fear of the unknown?

Well everyone’s already experienced the abyss of nothingness before they were born, so there shouldn’t be anything to be afraid of.

And yet, his mind poked and prodded at him.

_ What if you become a real ghost and you can never move on? What if your suffering continues? What if you become trapped in your own personal hell? Would that be called purgatory?  _

_ What was purgatory anyway? Was it the same for everyone? Or was it different? _

Kokichi opened his eyes.

The wall was still staring at him.

His phone remained silent.

All he could do was lay there, wondering idly what his so-called friends were up to at the moment. What his boyfriend, Kaito, was up to. If they all realized he was too silent. If they knew he was upset. Would they care then? Probably not. It was just a phase, they’d think, he’d get over it eventually. He always did. He was always right back up on his feet with his huge grin and obnoxious signature laugh.

Kokichi turned over in bed, bringing his knees up to his chest in a fetal position. He shut his eyes. He opened them again mere moments later. He couldn’t sleep. Or, maybe it was he wouldn’t? He didn’t know anymore.

Wouldn’t, couldn’t, shouldn’t, can’t, won’t...it was all the same in the end.

A hollow feeling began reverberating throughout his body more intensely than before.  _ Useless. He’s useless. Worthless. He should just disappear, it’d make everyone happier, right? _

_ Right. _

_ You know what to say to make people hate you, so stop being so selfish and just do it so you won’t have any reason to hold back anymore. _

_ But I don’t want to. _

_ Do it. _

_ I can’t. _

_ You can. _

_ I don’t want to… _

_ Stop being selfish! _

_ I don’t want to hear this! _

_ It’s always about you, isn’t it? You, you, you. Who cares about everyone else? _

_ That’s not true… _

_ Obviously it is, otherwise you would hurt them so badly that they wouldn’t wanna talk to you ever again, and you can die without anyone caring. _

_ They already don’t care… _

_ But that’s a lie, isn’t it? _

_ No… _

_ Yes. _

_ No. _

_ Yes. _

_ It can’t be. _

_ But it is. If it was a lie, then why haven’t you killed yourself yet? _

_ Well, why don’t they try talking to me then..? _

_ Because you’re annoying and a bully to them. _

_ Shut up… _

Trying to silence the thoughts running around his head, Kokichi squeezed his eyes shut, letting out an unstifled sob. Tears finally began pricking at his eyes and slowly slid off his face and on to his bed. Lips quivering, he opened his eyes and stared straight ahead.

The wall stared back.

**Author's Note:**

> This was pure venting. Please don't think anything of it.  
> I wrote it the other day and I let a few pals read it and they said it was really well written so, I'm posting this. Besides, maybe some of yall can relate and feel better knowing you're not alone.  
> Who knows


End file.
